


I Saw a Lion Kiss a Deer

by 777777799



Category: EXO (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fantasy, M/M, Spirits, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-18 05:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9369500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/777777799/pseuds/777777799
Summary: Minseok is ready to end it all as he drives through a blizzard hoping to crash into a tree. Instead, he crashes into something else, leading him to have something to believe in, and to warm his frozen heart.





	1. Starless Sky

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic EVER so please go easy on me!!  
> There's a TON of angst and it moves a bit slowly. It's less about actual Xiuhan love and more about a spiritual bond if that makes sense. It's mainly psychological.  
> The first chapter is just developing the setup and who Minseok is in the story and Luhan only sort of comes in at the end. But no worries! Luhan is in the second chapter for sure!!  
> Also there are vague references to a few other EXO members so see if you can guess who they are!!  
> Also posted on asianfanfics  
> Thanks! Please give feedback and suggestions for future stories!

They say you should never get in the car when you're intoxicated or stressed or angry or tired or hysterically crying. Not unless you have a death wish. 

 

That's exactly everything Kim Minseok had and was the night he got behind the wheel. That was all that was left of him; the hurt, the pain and the drunk haze of life's horrors and tricks. It wasn't that he made a bad decision to get in his car due to the alcohol running through his veins; no, he made the conscious choice to drive in hope that he would hit a tree and his body would burn.

 

The impact, only lasting a split second, is enough to flip the car over and over again, dragging it messily across the road. The gasoline pouring from the tank is set ablaze by bright sparks in the night, as metal scrapes against asphalt. Even the chill in the air isn't enough to keep the flames from burning steady and fast.The car comes to a halt and the driver is nearly unconscious. Minseok's mind is swimming as he dips between life and death; a balancing act his body and soul cannot hang on to for much longer. A deep laugh fills his head and images of demons with large pointed ears and horns dance in the red glow. The last thing he sees is the black, starless sky through the windshield as his vision blurs and the glass is obstructed by flames. He mutters his goodbyes and apologies before he enters an enternal, dreamless sleep.

 

~*~*~*~

 

It was just about 3:35 in the morning when Minseok stumbled out of a bar and decided that ending his pathetic existence was what he must do. He planned how he would hit that oak tree near his house, he would burn, he would be eased of this pain. Rather, the world would be eased of the burden of his presence, he concluded. It began to snow at a steady pace as he fumbled for his keys and slammed the door shut once he got inside. The snow wasn't letting up anytime soon and neither was his mood.

 

"At least," he thought, "when I die in these conditions no one will assume a suicide."

 

He pulled out of the parking lot and set off for the ancient tree on the forested road to his house. Hardly anyone was on the road at such a time in these conditions. Minseok suddenly felt lonely. The alcohol wasn't enough to make him forget that pain. 

 

"There aren't... even any cars around here," he slurred. "There's no one... there's no one...that would be around me there's no one to witness this last sin. No one to care. I'm alone!! All... All alone." He stared at the white streets through the tears welling up in his eyes. He pounded his fist into the steering wheel, jolting as the horn sounded. He ached everywhere and fought against the urge to simply fall asleep right then and there. He screamed but no one could hear him. 

 

The white road in front of him suddenly cracked open like a sinkhole. Snow that fell in would never reach the bottom of the black pit. The earth's abyss opened wider and wider, swallowing trees and animals and parked cars and houses. The chasm was there just for him and no one else, ready to swallow him up whole and make him pay. Minseok smiled. He wasn't afraid. Not like the people who screamed from the houses as they met their unfortunate end and danced with the devil under the earth's skin. Minseok drove right in, eager for his date with Lucifer. What time was he scheduled to be there again? 4:12 in the morning? Surely, he wouldn't mind Minseok being early? It's better to be early than to be late!

 

Entering the darkness through the piles of earth collapsing on top of his car, he saw him. The devil's raven black hair and wide piercing eyes; plump lips pulled into an intimidating smile. "Welcome," Lucifer's deep voice said, as Minseok's vision faded to black and then white once more. 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Minseok looked up at the white roads again. He shivered from the cold and from constant crying. He didn't bother to put the heater on. It didn't matter if he died comfortably or not; he didn't feel like he deserved that. The pain in his head throbbed, growing more intense as he glanced at streetlights passing by. The wind picked up, blowing snow against the windshield.

 

"I could die right here and it really would be an accident." He laughed bitterly. "The world wouldn't even let me have my own life if that happened. " He lulled his head to the side and eyed the time. It was 3:49.

 

As he looked at the dashboard clock, a powerful gust of wind rocked his car. Over the sound of the tires trying to grip the frozen ground, he heard a deep rumbling in the distance. As the car slid to a hault, he raised his head to search for the source of the noise. Instead of a car or a plow truck barreling down the road, he came face to face with a tornado; the black swirling mass headed straight for him. Before he had time to react, the winds swept his car up in stormy fury and rage. Leaves and trees flew by in masses, along with debris and parts of houses; his car shedding parts every second and his mind even more muddled and gone with each lost metal scrap. The cold winds were prickling at his skin, causing his whole body to feel numb and limp. The effects of his alcohol consumption and the tumbling movement eventually forced him to throw up.

 

A tree hitting his car sent him crashing through the windshield, now with nothing to hold onto, as the heavens released their displeasure with him inside the tornado. He looked up, time seeming to slow down, at the middle of the tornado where he could see a clear but starless black sky. He saw the outline of an angel with a scowl on his face looking down at Minseok; the angel's hard, thin eyes staring through his soul. The final judgement he had awaited. The angel's thick brows furrowed as he sent Minseok spiraling down to Hell with a gust of wind. Minseok smiled as he got what he deserved. He closed his eyes to a black sky.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Minseok kept driving toward his house. He decided on that old oak tree because it was the largest in the area and would withstand the impact and kill him for sure.

 

He faintly remembered warm summer days underneath the shade of that tree when he was younger and full of life. Minseok ached for that time back. He yearned to read his favorite novels over and over again out in the fresh air, and kick his soccer ball around the thick trunk. The rustle of the tree's leaves and huge branches lulled him to sleep effortlessly; spotted sunlight running across his face as he drifted into his dreams. He was alone back then as well. But, once in awhile, out of the woods Minseok would encounter a graceful, majestic-

 

Minseok felt his car ram into something solid, but not solid enough to stay in place. He pulls over and his breaks screech to a hault, afraid he ran over a person or a mailbox or something that affected someone other than himself.

 

He lets out a heavy sigh and glances at the dashboard clock. It's 4:07. He urges himself to get up. Still heavily intoxicated, he steps out into the cold, blustery weather. He eases his way over to the brown mass on the ground, sprawled out only a few yards away from the oak tree. He stumbles a bit and struggles for his vision to clear.

 

When he finally gets a hold of himself, he realizes he's face to face with the unmoving form of a deer: eyes staring straight into him. Unlike the other judging eyes he had met in his lifetime, the deer's eyes are understanding, yet lifeless.


	2. Meeting the Dawn

The white deer looked up at the night sky as snow began to fall on his land. The conditions weren't right for snow that night, and so he ventured that someone was causing a disruption. He could feel the heavy air in his forest, and a wrongness in the energies around him. Almost like an irregular tick in a heart monitor. 

 

The stag made his way soundlessly through the nets of trees and bushes; not even a twig cracking beneath his hooves. The ethereal glow radiating from his velvety, white fur was enough to light his path in the absence of moonlight. He appeared almost translucent against the dark underbrush. 

 

He came across an ancient lake where he would ask the forest's guardian about the severity of the disruption and how long it would last. The deer peered at his reflection at the waters edge. He was nearly about to call upon the head forest spirt when the calm water began to ripple and shake. He snapped his head up while immense pain radiated on this left side, causing him to waver slightly. The energy tick came heavily from the direction of the ancient oak tree. Ignoring the throbbing pain and the dizziness in his head, he ran to the tree.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Minseok sank to his knees, not even registering the cold snow seeping through his pants. He laid down with his face only inches away from the dead deer's eyes and heaved out a cry of frustration. His energy and adrenaline spent and gone, along with his anger toward the world that betrayed him. The only thing left was an overwhelming sadness that crept through his bones like the chill of the night. He was numb all over. Tears slid down his cheeks as he reached over to close the deer's eyes. His hands shook terribly, but lingered on the dead animal's soft fur, rubbing circles with his thumbs on its thin ears. Minseok traced along its antlers, although one had been shattered with the car's deadly impact. 

 

He felt defeated without the energy to get back up or go home or off himself like he had planned. It all seemed pointless to him now. All he wanted was for time to stop so he could sleep and rest by his deceased friend. He needed that company and the still lingering warmth to never leave or rot away like everything else in his life. A dead deer was all he had. "Pathetic or poetic?" he mused.

 

As if Father Time had heard his pleas, the snow stopped falling in midair. The already quiet night became a vacuum of silence and not even the wind blew. Minseok held on to the warmth of his friend that would remain frozen in time forever. It reminded him of being in a snow globe and he was satisfied with sitting on a forgotten shelf and never being shaken from his sleep. He saw Father Time's wise, piercing gaze that beared tired, darkened eye bags before Minseok's vision faded to black.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The white stag came to the edge of the woods and eyed the two dark forms on the ground near the oak tree. The snow had stopped falling and the sky was beginning to clear. He narrowed his eyes when he recognized one body as that of an unmoving deer, and saw a car parked alongside the road. He felt his anger boil up as tree branches around him snapped and crashed to the ground. He dug a hoof into the snow powdered earth and was about to give that human a taste of what nature is made of, until he heard the man choke out a sob. The deer decided he would observe the scene before he acted.

 

The man reached out to close the dead deer's glassy eyes: an act the forest spirit never would have expected from a human. The man continued to cry and mutter incoherently; to himself or the unmoving body, the spirit did not know. The man appeared as weak and fragile as a single snow crystal. The stag realized he began to feel sympathy for the human lying on the ground, talking to something that could not answer back. The man moved closer to the lifeless animal and leaned into its mangled fur, as his body shook from the cold. After some time, his breathing slowed and became more regular, while his face melted into an eased and peaceful expression. 

 

The deer spirit walked slowly over to the bodies. He stared at the man's face, expecting to find someone old and battered from life's cruelty. Instead, he faced a young man with plump, rosy cheeks. The man's chapped lips were slightly parted and puffs of white air blew out when he breathed. His eyes were still red and swollen from crying for so long, and he had dark circles beneath them. Although the man looked too tired and worn out for someone of his age, he still retained some sort of youthfulness in his sleep that the spirit could not pinpoint. 

 

The man's nose twitched slightly as he slept. He murmured "...c-cold..." and curled in tighter inside of his thick jacket. The spirit chuckled slightly and melted the snow around the two bodies, encircling them in a small radius of red flowers. Within that area felt as warm as a spring afternoon. A smile and a blush crept onto the man's face as he whispered a "thank you" while still lost in his dreams.

 

"Perhaps his spark had not been stamped out permanently just yet," the deer muttered to himself. He sat down next to the man and waited for the sun to rise.

 

~*~*~*~

 

When Minseok's eyes fluttered open he was lying on his back facing the sky. The sun was coming up slowly and the world above him was colored in hues of pastel blues, purples and pinks. He rubbed his eyes, noticing the bits of crust that built up overnight from his endless crying. It was mostly silent except for the stray sounds of birds in the distance and the faint rustle of leaves and tree branches. As he came to his senses, he began to recall the night before. He remembered that he had left the bar drunk and got into his car when it started snowing-

 

It felt warm. It was January. He couldn't feel snow around his body. He looked to his left side and came face to face with a dead deer and he squeaked and sat up immediately. Breathing rapidly after finding such a thing so close to his face, he also realized he had a pounding headache and groaned. Minseok glanced and the sad form of the deer again and hesitantly felt its fur. It had gone cold. He let a tear escape from his eye. 

 

Looking around more, he noticed the absence of snow and a circle of red flowers. He turned to his right to see a majestic-looking white deer sitting down and staring right at him. 

 

"Yo," the deer said. Minseok screamed. The deer tilted his head and blinked at him a few times.

 

"I-I am hallucinating again... Deer can't talk... Ha! Deer can't talk. I can sure has hell get swept up into a tornado, of _course_ , but deer _can't_ talk!! Nice one... It's the alcohol Minseok you're hungover and-"

 

"Flowers need death to bloom," the deer stated simply. It's voice was light and pure like a summer breeze; you could have almost missed it. "And a simple brown seed can become red with passion. Fascinating, you know?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think so far!!


	3. Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly fluff and happy interactions, since I think you need (or at least I do!) some cute XiuHan after the last two. So here's a nice break from severely depressed and suicidal Minseok. Enjoy!!

Minseok was frozen in place, staring at the white deer in front of him with wide eyes bulging out of his head. He was at a total loss for words and even his brain refused to function and work out exactly who or what was in front of him. He didn't know if he was still dreaming or if the lingering effects of alcohol and his series of panic attacks from the previous night were messing with his sanity, yet again. His mouth was opened slightly in a perfect "O" shape and he didn't even realize he had stopped breathing until he felt slightly dizzy and wavered to one side.

The deer blinked with his head still tilted, waiting for some sort of reaction from the stunned human. The uncomfortable silence hung in the air for what felt like forever to both of them. Minseok was as still as the dead deer by his other side. The spirit eventually heaved out a sigh, frustrated with the lack of interaction. The man flinched and moved back slightly, brushing against the corpse, but didn't look away from the living deer in front of him. 

"You know, it isn't very polite to stare so much," the white deer said with a tinge of annoyance in his smooth, honey voice. Minseok wasn't sure if deer could furrow their eyebrows, but he was pretty sure the one in front of him was, if it had eyebrows.

"I... sorry... but just who? Or even... what?" Minseok managed to get out.

"Ohh did you need me to repeat what I said? You could have just said so without all of that drama and staring. Man, these humans are weird. So I was just saying that-"

"No, no, I got that. I got what you said... but..." Minseok paused. The deer gave him a quizzical look. After a minute of gathering his thoughts, Minseok finally was able to talk (somewhat) coherently. 

"It's just that..." he began slowly, taking a deep breath. "Where I come from deer don't talk and technically this is actually somewhat close in proximity to my house so I guess now they do but I must've missed that in the news or something because someone had to have experienced this before it's not just me, right? Not just me? God, why me... Why this? Of course it happens to me! I bet there actually isn't anyone else and you're probably just in my head so please, can you tell me how to wake up or if I'll wake up? Or wait, maybe I'm really dead. Like, is this the afterlife  and I'm here along with this deer I hit oh my god was-was he your relative or something? I'm so sorry I know I'm going to Hell anyway but please, have mercy on me for this I didn't mean to... I mean I didn't want to offend you personally, being a deer an all and wait if you're a deer then why are you white?"

"Well first," the deer said while holding back a giggle (could deer laugh?). "You can't just go around asking why someone is white. And second, maybe this will make you feel more at ease..."

The white deer began to stand to his full height. As he rose from the ground, his back legs disappeared in a puff of glittery snow. Once the snow cleared, human feet were in its place, peaking out from the bottom of white robes. The same transformation continued up until there was no trace of the deer that previously stood in front of Minseok's wide eyes. Instead, there was a human face staring down at him. The strange man brushed himself off lightly with glittery snow falling gently off of his robes and sat down. He had black hair that finished slightly past his shoulders; the tips were a frosty silver. The top section of hair was pulled back and held in place with a birch bark clip and pin, and a crown of birch twigs, antlers and red and white peonies encircled his head. The traditional looking robes he wore were pure white and sparkled in the soft, early morning light. 

The man smiled at Minseok. His face was bright and seemingly flawless. There was a youthful look about him with large, clear, warm, brown eyes and full, pink lips. He seemed cute to Minseok when he smiled and his eyes creased at the corners, but he still retained a refined touch of maturity that Minseok didn't think was humanly possible. But then again, the man before him was definitely not human. One, he had just transformed from a deer to a man, and two, he seemed just too perfect. 

"Nice to meet you, Minseok. I'm Luhan. Deer of the Dawn," the spirit said, breaking the silence and holding out his pale hand for the human to shake. Minseok reluctantly took his hand, but pulled it back suddenly. Luhan's face fell and looked at him with confusion.

"Hold on, how-how do you know my name? Are you a stalker, "Luhan," if that's really your name? Are you going to murder me? Are you a vampire is that why you sparkle so much? Wait, I'm dead... Are you an angel? You ARE an angel!" Minseok's face brightened. "I am dead! Oh my god! I'm dead! I'm dead...I'm... dead..." he said, excitement and recognition fading from his expression.

"No, silly! When you were going off like a complete lunatic you referred to yourself as Minseok. I assume that's your name, although I wouldn't put it past you if you actually had an imaginary friend... you seem pretty out of it."

Minseok was silent for a moment. "......so, are you an angel? Like my guardian angel or something?"

"Well, if you'd like to refer to me as _your_ angel I definitely wouldn't say no to that cute little face of yours..." Minseok shot him a look of annoyance. "But really, I'm a spirit that inhabits this forest. Still pretty great though. Your friends with an all powerful spirit that can control plants and make stuff grow and drop big rocks on the heads of people that threaten you, my new friend. So why aren't you smiling Minseok? It's the least you can do for me after what you did with your car. Smile Minseok! Min! Minnie! Baozi cheeks! Mi-"

"We... we just met and I killed your brother or something why...? How can we be friends...? I... Man, where's a bottle of vodka when you need it?" Minseok collapsed on his back, sighing loudly. He began to cry again from frustration and curled in on himself.

Luhan glanced at him softly when he saw tears rolling down the man's face. It was quiet for awhile with only a small sob escaping from Minseok's breath every so often. The sun began to lift over the horizon, and the birds stirred to life with rhythmic beats of the air on their wings. Luhan looked up and waved to a great, big hawk as it glided over the trees in the direction of the lake. He watched the shadows grow and shrink as light began to kiss the snow covered landscape. After awhile, Minseok quieted down and his breath became more stable. Luhan wasn't sure if he was still awake or if he had gone back to sleep. 

~*~*~*~

Minseok stopped crying after awhile and drifted between his dreams and consciousness. He had never felt so unsure and confused in his life. He thought that the night before had left his mind in a tizzy, but now, meeting this new "friend" sent his mind spinning once more. He watched shadows and light fall on the dead deer through half-lidded eyes. Just as he was about to finally drift off, the questionable man on his other side began to speak so softly that Minseok wasn't sure if he was already asleep or if Luhan had really whispered something in his ear.

"To answer your question, I thought you could have needed some company. And, spirits don't carry around bottles of vodka."

Minseok dipped into the darkness behind his eyelids, forgetting all about the world around him for just a short time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Luhan loosely on what he looks like in Fighter of the Destiny!! Can't wait until that drama comes out!


	4. Memories and Sorrow

Minseok started to become aware of his surroundings again. His head felt foggy and his eyelids were heavy and dry. He lay there in silence with his eyes still shut as he regained his senses. There was the sound of rushing water somewhere in the distance, crashing over rocks and roots. Overhead, Canadian geese squawked; their chattering fading by the second until he couldn’t hear them anymore. About ten minutes later, Minseok assumed, he heard just one flying over calling out cries that sounded desperate and lost. That sound, too, eventually died down.

 

He finally cracked open his eyes, anticipating bright light to sting and pound at his head, but was surprised when he was met with a dimly lit room. Sitting up in the bed he didn’t initially realize he was in, he massaged his aching temples and surveyed the foreign place he found himself in. It was some sort of cabin with wooden beams stacked up for walls. He was currently on the second floor. The ceiling was low at some points and slanted up to accommodate a triangular roof. In the middle of the floor, there was a hole with a ladder that led down to ground level. Based on the size of the room he was in, he figured the whole cabin must be rather modest in size.

 

There was a metal candle basket that hung from a wooden plank above his head. The candle was lit and emitted a soft, orange glow, and created shadows that danced in the corners of the small room. Minseok had no sense of time and no idea whether it was still light out or not. There were no windows or cracks to let in light. He began to recall what happened prior to blacking out, yet again. There was the deer that turned into a man and the ring of red flowers surrounding the spring-like area he was protected in. He was still unsure if he was dreaming or if he was even alive. Perhaps he was suspended somewhere between life and death.

 

Minseok got up from the bed slowly and steadied himself on a bedpost. In a far corner there was a wooden table with a few scattered objects resting on top, and a mirror hanging on the wall above. He made his way over to get a better look. Minseok glanced at his reflection in the mirror, inspecting the state of his hair and face. Although the lighting was dim, he could still make out the heavy circles beneath his swollen, bloodshot eyes. He roughly wiped away a dribble of cracked spit on his chin and dry, crusted tear stains that ran down his cheeks. His hair was stringy and wild and went in every direction. Besides looking like _he_ was the one that got hit by a car, he was also growing stubble along his chin and upper lip. He breathed out a deep sigh.

 

In front of the mirror he found a brush, so he used it to tame his straggly hair. It only helped somewhat. On the table, there was also a clear bottle with pink liquid. He removed the cork and brought it to his nose. It smelled like springtime. Minseok also noticed a small pad of paper with a charcoal pencil resting beside it. There was a note written on the first sheet, in delicate, neat handwriting. It read:

 

_Minseok,_

_I went out to get you some food for when you wake up. Please rest well, baozi cheeks._

_-Angel Deer of the Dawn (Luhan)_

Minseok felt a smile tugging at his lips. He put the letter down and decided to explore the items on the table further. There was a small wooden box with flowers engraved on the lid. Curiosity getting the best of him, he lifted the top to see what was inside. It was filled to the brim with polaroid pictures, each carefully dated and labeled. The same eleven faces kept showing up from picture to picture, one of them being Luhan himself. Beneath one picture of a broad shouldered man standing next to a lake, the caption read:

 

“수호.”

 

 _Guardian_ , Minseok thought. Another picture had two men with the sun directly above their heads. Their faces were in the shadows and Minseok could only make out that they were both smiling. The caption was “one lit up his eyes, and the other warmed his heart. Happy spring.” One, he found quite comical. It was an enormous looking hawk with a paint brush in its beak. “Birdcasso strikes again.”

 

Looking closer at each picture, everyone was dressed in period clothing similar to Luhan’s, although the colors and styles slightly differed. What Minseok also found interesting was that each picture was taken in the woods. Along with the pictures of various animals, like the hawk and what seemed to be a white horse’s mane, there were also breathtaking images of trees, insects and colorful flowers. Each image of a plant was from a perspective he couldn’t have imagined looking at it from.

 

The older pictures were in black and white, while the newer ones were in color. Some dated back to the 1950s, although no one in the pictures appeared to have been past their twenties. Even the black and white photos didn’t look old, ripped or yellowing. They seemed as if they were just pulled from the camera a few minutes before and had just developed in front of his eyes. Almost as if the pictures themselves were suspended in time.

 

Minseok suddenly heard the sound of a door opening and closing from downstairs, accompanied by the soft sound of someone humming.

 

_Tian mi mi,_

_lala lala la laa…_

“…and I can’t seem to remember the rest of the lyrics.” The gentle voice laughed quietly.

_La la la la lala, la la laaa…_

Luhan didn’t seem to realize that Minseok was awake, so he took advantage to dig a little further in the box. He pulled out another pad of paper from the very bottom. Each page had a meticulously drawn picture in black charcoal. There were landscapes and trees and flowers so detailed and beautiful that they seemed more worthy than any flower he had seen in his entire life. There were also portraits of some of the people in the photographs. With each facial expression and each visible pencil stroke, he could already _feel_ and not just _see_ the essence of each person: something the other photos could not capture. The next drawing he flipped to was a young boy reading a book beneath a large oak tree. This picture was the only one that had a bit of color for the redness of the boy’s plump cheeks. The picture felt happy and warm with that same amount of emotion conveyed through expressive line and realistic detail. Holding the piece of paper, it almost felt like it was dripping with life and the excited nature of a young child.

 

Minseok began crying again, dropping to the floor with a thud; the pictures and sketches scattered around his frail body. He clutched onto the drawing of the boy. The sound of gentle humming stopped from downstairs. He could hear Luhan ascending the ladder to the second floor. Minseok felt pathetic again, having Luhan see him like this all the time. Luhan still seemed like a perfect stranger. The pictures brought on a wave of emotions he could not control, although he didn’t exactly know why. He also regretted snooping around in Luhan’s personal belongings.

 

Luhan found him on the floor with his legs pulled to his chest, and his head hiding in his knees. He was shaking and his breaths were heavy and uneven. Luhan sat down next to him, placing an arm around his shoulder. He began humming again as they sat there in the flickering warm light of the candle hanging above.

 

Minseok suddenly lifted his head, but stared at the floor, afraid to make eye contact with the man next to him. Luhan could see the shadows twitch across Minseok’s delicate, puffy face, as he tried to steady himself enough to speak.

 

“Y-you’re… are you mad? Th-that I…” Minseok looked around at the photos that were scattered around him on the floor.

 

“Of course not,” Luhan said with a comforting tone. It was nearly a whisper. “If I hadn’t wanted you to see them I wouldn’t have had the box out. I assume you found my little letter?” Minseok nodded slightly.

 

“Now that I’m here, did you want something to eat?”

 

“N-not… not hungry,” Minseok muttered while wiping his nose on his sleeve. After thinking for a moment, a small smile grazed Luhan’s lips.

 

“I know! Let me tell you about the people you saw.” Luhan first picked up the picture of the man by the lake. “This one here, his name is Suho,” he said, pointing. “He’s one of the head spirits around and he inhabits the lake. We call him “guardian” because everything in this forest depends on that lake and the rains he helps to bring.” Minseok only nodded.

 

“Umm… let me see… this one! The hawk with the paintbrush is really… this guy! Yifan!” Luhan held up the picture of the hawk, along with a stern looking man with thick eyebrows. “Don’t let looks deceive you. He can be both intimidating and incredibly dorky. He’s another one of the main spirits in this forest. He surveys the area from above and keeps order. He’s terrible at drawing though, so of course he wasn't the ones to sketch these pictures, it was me. Don’t tell him I said that.” Luhan hears what could be a chuckle from Minseok and enthusiastically grabs another picture while grinning widely.

 

“These two, you can’t see their faces, but the taller one is Chanyeol and the other is Baekhyun. Chanyeol helps bring the warmth in the spring and summer and Baekhyun brings the sun’s light. They work together to help new life blossom. Their teamwork is really beautiful.” This time, Minseok noticeably smiles.

 

“Kai! Now Kai is important.” There was a picture of a man that seemed tanner than the rest. He had kind eyes and a bright smile. “You know how the Greeks had the sun god, Apollo, that flew his chariot across the sky to change the time of day? Kai sort of does that. More like he chases Baekhyun to make sure he doesn’t mess up with the sun. He deals with all of that season change stuff and space junk so he can also just show up here and there. One moment he’s next to you, the next moment he’s who knows where doing who knows what.”

 

“He’s friends with this guy, Kyungsoo,” Luhan said, pointing at a man with dark hair, wide eyes and heart shaped lips. “He’ll smash you with boulders if you get on his nerves. He’s still very caring, however, and helps things grow in the spring and summer.”

 

“Chen and Sehun work together, usually.” A black and white photo bared a tall man with lanky limbs and furrowed brows, although his face was distorted into a rather dorky smile. His eyes looked like crescents. The other man was shorter and had a closed mouth smile that lifted up at both corners that made him remind Minseok of a cat. “Chen creates storms and rain, a necessary part of a deciduous forest, and Sehun brings wind that changes the weather, provides movement to Chen’s storms and helps with pollination.”

Luhan brings out a picture of a stern looking man with dark circles beneath his eyes. He’s standing next to the oak tree in the clearing just beyond the woods. “He’s Tao. But he’s better known to humans as Father Time. He controls life and death and keeps everything on track. It’s a really tiring job, as you can probably see. The thing is, he doesn’t like physically going into the forest very often. He’s terrified of… everything. Tao’s actually rather animated once you get to know him, but he’s more of a loner.” Minseok tried to picture someone as powerful and as legendary as Father Time getting scared of a squirrel rustling tree branches. He laughs a bit.

 

“This is going to sound ridiculous, Minseok. Promise me you won’t call me a liar?” Luhan nudged Minseok lightly, who looked up at Luhan for the first time with a small smile on his face.

 

“I promise.” Minseok figured this was all pretty odd and what’s one more strange thing to add to the list?

 

“Well this one, the white horse’s mane, it’s actually a unicorn. You can see him as a human in this picture right here.” The man was sitting down on a rock while reading a small, leather book. He was smiling peacefully with a dimple on only one cheek. Just like Luhan, his robes were all white. “Yixing is one of my best friends here, you see-”

 

“Hold on, a _unicorn_?” Minseok breathed out with wide eyes.

 

“Minseok, you promised me!”

“Yeah, but… a unicorn? One of those magical things that only little kids believe in? Do I look like a kid to you?”

 

“Well, yes, but that’s not-”

 

“Unbelievable. I’m 20 years old and some random guy that I just met who looks even younger than me treats me like a child. Unbelievable.” Minseok pouts, making him look even younger.

 

Laughing, Luhan says, “Fine, don’t believe me. But I was going to say that he, like me, walks around and surveys the area. He also helps plants grow and he can heal almost anything. I mean I could show him to you if you want, but you’re pretty adamant on him not existing so…”

 

Minseok chuckles and lightly punches Luhan’s arm, like they’ve been friends for years.

 

“I guess you’re feeling a bit better, huh? Are you ready to eat?” Luhan stands up and reaches out his hand. Minseok stares up at him for a few seconds and eventually takes it. Luhan smiles warmly and begins down the ladder to the first floor, blabbering some more about his odd bunch of friends. Minseok sighs. His mind is far from free, but for now, he lets himself enjoy a few peaceful moments with Luhan.


	5. Who Are We?

Climbing down the ladder, Minseok looked around at the new room he was brought to. He could see the orange sun setting over the horizon through a window, casting a warm glow and dark shadows throughout the small room. Below the window was a stove and cupboards and in the middle of the room sat a modest wooden table and chair set. Along the far side of the room was a lit fireplace and handwoven blankets scattered in front. The organic smell of the wood burning mixed with soft scents of herbs and something sweet like honey.

Luhan gestured for him to sit over by the fireplace. Minseok did as he was told, but couldn’t stop staring at Luhan as he worked in the kitchen preparing what smelled like tea. Luhan’s profile was backlit by the setting sun and with the help of his delicate features, made him look even more angelic than before. His pink lips were pulled into a small smile as he resumed humming; the dreamy sound wrapping around Minseok, feeling even more comforting that the blankets he had clutched to his shoulders. Luhan barely made a sound as he worked, even as he placed the lid back onto a porcelain teapot. 

Minseok was still in awe as Luhan brought a tray over to the fireplace with the hot tea balanced on top. 

“I thought I told you it wasn’t polite to stare.” Luhan gave Minseok a playful grin. “You also missed a bit of spit on your chin.”

Startled, Minseok jumped a bit and frantically started rubbing his chin to rid of the substance. “…Oh… I….uh…my bad.” His face heated up but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the rubbing from trying to get the dried spit off, or a bit of something else. Luhan giggled at the flustered human.

Luhan sat next to him and poured him a cup of tea. Minseok watched his thin hands handle the delicate porcelain teapot. Luhan offered him the filled cup and Minseok reached out with both hands, although he pulled back while realizing he was still holding the sketch of the boy in his left hand. He lay the picture down and accepted the cup.

“I… I really am sorry… about snooping and this picture. I know I shouldn’t have and I should probably get going and stop wasting your time.” Minseok nearly got up, but a hand on his leg stopped him. There was a moment of silence that felt hours.

“Flowers need death to bloom, and a simple brown seed can become red with passion. Can you tell me why?” Luhan asked quietly, looking through Minseok’s eyes. 

Minseok stared back and was quiet for some time; the only sound was the crackling of wood in the fireplace in front of them. Somewhere in his fuzzy memories, he remembered the question as Luhan’s words from before, when they first met.

“I-I’m afraid I don’t know why.” Minseok looked away from Luhan and stared hard into the burning fire as he settled back into his seat.

Luhan smiled. “That’s okay.” He paused and thought for a moment. “Where should we begin, then?”

“I don’t follow.”

Luhan hums. “What part of the answer do you want to learn first?”

“The-the flower?” Minseok was the most confused about the statement with the flower and death. He didn’t know how it could be true, although he hadn’t ever thought or been asked about something of that nature before.

“Does one start a story at the middle?”

“I… suppose not. The seed then?” He looked up at Luhan for a response, who nodded.

“Each seed is different. Whether a different type of plant altogether, or that of the same kind of plant but with different qualities. Can you tell the different qualities by looking at a bunch of seeds?” Minseok shook his head. “Exactly. And really, unless you can identify exactly what kind it is, you don’t even know what the little thing will bloom into.”

“But let’s say you have two lily seeds. You know they’re both going to be lilies but how do you know if they’ll germinate at the same time? What if one starts growing at the other falters?”

“I don’t know… survival of the fittest, right? Darwinism. The weaker one has to die,” Minseok mutters.

“How do you know if the other lily just needs a tad bit more water than the other? As I said, each seed is different. Each seed’s needs are different. Sure, they all have to have the basics, but seeds aren’t cookie-cutter beings. One must realize what each needs to survive,” Luhan explains. 

“But what if the seed that stopped growing never got that extra water? What if it was left stranded and couldn’t fend for itself?” The fire burned on, hot and the red light illuminated Minseok’s hardening expression. “What if that flower got neglected by whoever was supposed to be taking care of it? What if it never had a chance because needy children are disappointing runts of the litter? Mother Nature doesn’t need them. They’re a burden to take care of…Why create their existence in the first place if they’ll amount to nothing?” Minseok was breathing heavily and stifled back sobs.

“We aren’t just talking about plants anymore, are we?” Luhan remarked.

Minseok didn’t really hear him. “Why am I… why is that flower so weak? What’s its purpose if it can’t even survive on the basics? What good would it be to the world if it can’t even do good for itself?” he whispered.

“I see. Well, as I said, each seed is different and that’s perfectly natural. Some can be a bit handicapped from the beginning but that doesn’t have to define them. What defines them is whatever they are able to grow into when they push through and reach down with their roots as far as possible to find that extra water. If the flowers around it are blooming and well, there is water to be found.”

“So… then what?”

“The plant escapes death on its own and isn’t solely dependent on outer forces. It also has stronger and longer roots than the plants around it, and is more likely to survive other hardships. With more roots also comes more nutrients and independence. But it is that possibility of death and nearly brushing against it that causes this survival-mode reflex. The primal instinct is do whatever you can to live on and keep your species going. A plant can look near-death one day, and, when provided the proper care, can become reborn from the dead even stronger. It is the same with animals and humans.”

“What if… they don’t want to live on? What if they give up because they’re just too much of a burden for everyone? The plant, I mean.”

“First, I believe that the only disappointment Mother Nature has when she creates beings is when they chose to give up. She isn’t mad, just sad that her creation stopped trying and never reached its full potential.” Luhan turned to look at him. “And on giving up, I think, the flower needs some inspiration. There are millions of flowers in the world. Maybe some that had been trampled on or some that ended up in a waterless desert. But millions of flowers, even the unlucky ones, can continue to bloom into something so beautiful, strong and passionate, yet remain delicate and sweet. Of course, there will always be uncontrollable casualties, but when there’s a chance of survival, why not take it? If every flower gave up we’d live in a colorless world.”

“But how does it know it’s worth it? What does one flower’s death matter if it was a runt from the start?”

“Back to the beginning, then. Do we know exactly each flower’s personality until it blossoms?”

“No…”

“So then, how does one know if that one lily will grow into the most beautiful flower on the planet? It’s like stopping midway through a story; you don’t know if you never finish it out. And I believe the ones that had to stretch their roots know how to come out the best.”

“But I don’t even know where to go from here. I…I don’t even know where to stretch my roots out to.”

“You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to get to your destiny. You don’t even have to know right away how to get past obstacles. ‘Water is fluid, soft and yielding. But water will wear away a rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome what is rigid and hard. What is soft is strong.’ Do you know who said that?” Minseok shakes his head.

“It was Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism. It’s one of my favorite quotes. One must go with the flow, whether it requires you to go left or right or up or down. Resisting is resisting the balance of the natural world. Do you at least know where you want to end up?”

“I think so.”

“Then there’s a way. There’s always a way. Although a fire may burn out, its ashes still remain. The fire’s presence lives on and ashes help flowers grow.”

They sat in silence drinking tea for a short while. Minseok sniffled every so often.

“Your drawings are really good,” Minseok blurted out suddenly, surprised at his own outburst.

Luhan smiled at him, beaming. “I’ve always loved to create things, so centuries of being here I thought I’d try my hand at art. I was tired of looking at the same trees and landscape so I wanted to create my own version of what I saw. Something different. We all see things differently.”

“Have you tried to give your bird friend lessons?”

“Oh, Yifan?” Luhan laughs, light wrinkles appearing at the sides of his eyes. “I’ve tried, but he denies. Says what he does is the new thing is modern art now. We don’t hang around here all the time so he ventures to museums when he’s off shift. If everything there looks like the chicken-scratch he produces, I’m not sure if I’d like to accompany him.” Minseok smiles.

“You know the kid in that picture,” Luhan pointed to the drawing on the floor in front of them. “He always used to come around and play by the oak tree. He was always alone and I sort of felt bad when I saw him play soccer with himself. Still, he always seemed full of energy. A liveliness I just couldn’t describe with words to my other friends here. So I drew him one day when he sat there and read for hours until the light became too dim for him to continue.”

“Why did you take such interest in him?” Minseok asked quietly.

“Truthfully, I was jealous.”

“Of what? A human boy?”

“Yes.” Luhan thought for a moment. “Being an eternal spirit has its benefits, but also its drawbacks. No childhood or carefree moments. I have a duty, you know, hence the entire purpose of my existence. But humans in their early life can just live. I envy that.” He looked a bit sad for just a second, and then shook his head and smiled slightly. “I’ve heard of many that have had a hard time transitioning from childhood to adulthood, which responsibility and hardships piled on so suddenly…although, I can’t relate because I’ve never had that stage in my life. It’s odd that I’d like to experience that, isn’t it?”

Minseok was quiet. He turned to Luhan who stared into the fireplace. “I don’t think it’s odd. We all want what we don’t have. Like people with straight hair wanting curly hair.” Luhan chuckled at that. “I can tell you, it’s hell to experience. If I could, I’d try to skip this portion of my life. I guess, as Lao Tzu would say, lots of stubborn, rigid rocks.” Minseok sighed.

“Now you’re the one giving me life advice?” They both laughed and their eyes met.

“I do wonder how that boy ended up. The one I drew,” Luhan ventured, still staring.

“I think he’s doing alright now.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Just a hunch. I think his roots finally found what they needed.”

“Oh? And what might that be?” The deer spirit gave him a playful, confused look and tilted his head. Looking at Luhan, Minseok realized the sun had long set.

Minseok was about to respond when he suddenly felt dizzy. He felt his head hit something soft and the scene before him blurred and twisted. The light of the dying fire clouded his vision before he could see nothing at all. In the blackness appeared speckles of light that twinkled in the vastness and overwhelming space.

~*~*~*~

The next thing Minseok knew, he woke with a start. His vision clearing, he realized he was in the front seat of his car. He expected his neck to be stiff and aching, but he felt no discomfort as he turned his head a few times. His key was still in the ignition, but the car was off. He looked up at the sky through the dashboard and it appeared that the sun would soon rise over the horizon once more. Glancing out the window, he could see that the snow had almost completely melted. 

A sudden realization hit him as he realized something was missing. The deer’s rotting carcass was no longer on the side of the road. Not even an indent in the melting snow indicated anything had been there before. The only thing in its place was a single red flower, blooming, despite the winter’s harsh breath.

Minseok tried to shake the off feeling he had. He often felt odd after a deep sleep full of dreams. He wasn’t sure how long he had been out, but considering the melted snow, it was more than a few hours. He got his senses back enough to safely drive the short distance to his home. He was about to reach for the key in the ignition, when he realized he was holding on to a piece of paper. He inspected it carefully.

There, was a drawing in charcoal of a young, vibrant boy with rosy cheeks. Minseok’s own cheeks couldn’t help but blush at the memory.


	6. Light Up the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading if you've stuck with it until the end. As always, tell me what you think and what you'd like to see next. I have some funny and fluffy XiuHan planned for the future. Enjoy the last chapter!

They say that youth is wasted on the young. They say that youth brings delusional fantasies and hallucinations based on the naïve nature of the pure and innocent, and that these wild dreams only bring disappointment when they aren’t achieved. They say one with an overactive imagination that chases impossible dreams is nothing short of insane.

That is everything 24 year old Kim Minseok is and represents; a new-found zest for life and a jump in each step and every note he sings. True insanity. Although despite what everyone says about those that dream too big, he is no disappointment. He blooms red with passion and is rooted so deep that he cannot be shaken, although like water, he flows smoothly and rationally.

His memories from that night four years ago are blurry and rusted, although he does know that following his odd experience, he found some sort of spiritual enlightenment. He ventures that some Muse found his pitiful state and has stayed by his side since, inspiring his work and the music he creates. He wouldn’t be surprised if that night was merely a dream that he can only vaguely remember. Part of him also wouldn’t be surprised if another deer crossed his path and started up a conversation. No matter what it was, he was just glad it happened when it did.

Since then, Minseok began to follow his dream of being a musician. He poured out pages of lyrics and compositions as soon as he arrived home that night. He started out performing in small clubs and coffee shops when he had breaks from class. He met friends along the way and some in his school’s music department so he no longer feels like a stranger. These friends have been loyal to him since.

Now, he’s signed on to a record label, but gets primary creative freedom over the music he produces. He’s a rising star in Korea’s huge music industry with all of the confidence in the world, but retains the modesty of someone who might still perform those tiny coffee shop gigs. Whenever he’s asked to explain what or who he attributes his success and drive to, he just replies, “one really wild imagination and one really wild dream.” They always ask him to elaborate, but he just laughs.

He holds out the last note to his cover of “Lost Stars” with his vibrato ringing out clear through the theatre. He gives a gummy smile that everyone in the audience coos at once the song ends. The crowd erupts in applause and his heart swells with warmth when he sees hundreds of smiling faces. The last part of the event is to greet each smiling face and sign posters and albums for each person. Although his hand may get tired from signing so many, he wouldn’t give these moments up for anything. It always felt hard to believe he came so close to dying those few years back.

The event is nearly done and the theatre is almost empty, save for his manager, crew and one last fan.

The fan steps up and places Minseok’s album on the table.

Without looking up, Minseok takes it and stares at the cover for a moment before signing it.

“An ‘unknown artist’ huh?” The fan says, commenting on the album’s cover and the fine print in the corner. Minseok traces the image with his finger, across the charcoal marks that detail a tree and a young boy with pink cheeks reading a novel in the shade.

“Yeah,” Minseok says. “It’s a bit of a long story.” He sounds sleepy and nostalgic as he smiles lightly.

“Ah, but I’m sorry for taking my time here. I’m the one holding you up, aren’t I?” Minseok says and laughs. He grabs his marker. “Who should I make this out to?”

“Angel Deer,” the fan replies.

“That’s…” Minseok finally lifts his head to look at the fan properly.

His mouth drops open. 

He can’t take his eyes away.

The fan looks at him with large, warm-brown eyes under long lashes. He has a delicate nose and small pink lips curled up into a playful smile. Contrasting his pale skin, the man has long black hair pulled into a messy bun at the back of his head, with white tips poking out and escaping the hairstyle in wild directions. He has a white t-shirt on with a modern drawing of a red peony in the center. His grey pants have rips at the knees. The stage lights above illuminate his form, creating a halo-like effect above his head. Although beautiful and youthful, his presence is refined, mature and commanding.

Minseok drops his pen.

The sound echoes through the empty theatre.

The spirit’s smile widens at the human’s funny reaction.

“For just about the third time, staring is very rude,” the spirit says, amusement in his voice.

Minseok’s open mouth soon changes into his heart-melting gummy smile. He could very well still be dreaming, but the warmth surging through his body feels all too real to ignore.

“I’m proud of you, my little blooming flower,” the spirit says. “Now please sign the album my unicorn friend really wanted to see it.”

 

-

 

Minseok is essentially dreaming. He is living his own dream, but the one that he chose for himself. He is living alongside of the other stars in the vast expanse of the never ending universe. And always in his dreams and on his star is a white deer he can never shake from memory.


End file.
